I had an elaborate blog to give you. I mean, this is my first blog and I wanted to impress. But, that’s the problem with me, at least. I would also assume many of us do. Do you remember that feeling? The thoughts and joy you felt when you said “Lord, I am ready to acknowledge you as my savior.” Do you remember how excited you were to say, “Jesus, thank you” and “Jesus, I am giving myself to you?” You find a church, you join, get baptized and then…what? You rush to church, people tell you join a ministry, you take communion, you evangelize, you prophecy, change your songs on your iTunes. Shoot, I even memorized a couple of Kirk Franklin songs. But, that’s all it was. So, you’re a Christian now, but you realize something. You realize that you crossed the road, but you aren’t happy with what’s on the other side. You see the shouting, running and praising and wonder why can’t I have that too? Why am I not happy?
It is the other side.
I am tired of hearing about how good the days will be. I am tired of hearing the real joy is in heaven when we meet our father. Yeah, I am excited to meet ABBA, I want to kiss his feet and tell him thank you Lord! But, I am not seventy five years old. I am barely thirty. I want to be happy with GOD here on earth right now. And, I know I am not the only one. That adrenaline rush died a week after my baptism, but that doesn’t mean I am not happy I found my father. #MESSAGE (in my best Spike Lee voice)
Wait, I found him, but I do not know him.
Let’s get to the point. We are stubborn, strong, we like what we like, and we do what we want because we like it. But, when it doesn’t go out way it’s “Oh dad, I need you to take care of this” or “Dad, why Sister Blessings ova here always getting new cars?” I lost mine, I got an eviction notice, and I am losing friends and getting sick. Yeap, the devil is attacking me. This other side is tough. It’s a road of speed bumps, horrible pavement and traffic all over the Highway of Salvation. The other side is dark. Or is it?
It took me to the day this blog was due to see that it isn’t. It’s not dark and it’s probably the brightest thing I have ever seen. But, I wasn’t able to. Until, the lights literally shut off. Too tired of crying and asking why. All the arrogance, stubbornness is gone. Just aches in my bones, my back bent, walking hunchback. I was broken, finally.
Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.
Wait, didn’t you hear your Pastor say this! (Thank you, Pastor Wright and Min. Martin)
Die! Die! DIE!!! Let the old you die. You want your spirituality to be strong, you want life to be fulfilling? Then die, so you can find the right things to live through. Everything we do lives through something. Insert various nouns. Pick the right one.
By the time you read this, the lights will be on. The road a little bigger, but I am bypassing the exits. What’s on the other side? If you travel the fog, sit in traffic, don’t honk your horn, be patient, you will find it. Take that time to be vulnerable before the lord. Be honest with yourself, and be honest before him. If you don’t, it is okay…because he giveth’s and taketh’s. He will break you, until you have no choice but to die.
What is on the other side? I ask myself again. A year later I finally get the answer. Vulnerability, the death of callused hearts. That’s the only way you get to know him. I decide today, that I am dying.
Time to keep traveling.
The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
Where to next?!